


Harry Potter and the Big Fat Panda

by LorraineDessiner



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Kung Fu Panda (Movies)
Genre: Adoption, Coming Out, Crossover, Epic, Everyone Is Gay, Karate, Kung Fu, Magic, Skadoosh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-03-24
Packaged: 2019-11-29 12:02:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18222896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LorraineDessiner/pseuds/LorraineDessiner
Summary: Just when Harry Potter thought he was just an ordinary half-panda half-goose, in a remote town in China, suddenly his world is turned upside down when a fat hairy man rocks up into his life and tells him.that he's neither panda nor goose; he's a wizard...





	Harry Potter and the Big Fat Panda

**Author's Note:**

> First work, hope u like it XD  
> Sorry for spelling minstake, anglich in'st my first language.  
> Also I've nevr read hairy potter, but I love the fabrics, and Kung Fu Panda is my favourite anime

Once upan a time, dumbledore was proper sad because jk Rowling kept saying he was gay for Grindelwald. (He isn't because Grindelwald is an ugly turnip head).  
Then Harry potter's dad and lily died in a car crash, and then an alligator with a nife attacced there sun Harry. He had no alive relatives, and the ministrel of majick thought that Grindelwald would be a bad dad so dumbeldoor wasn't allowed to adopt him. (Aunt petal got locked up for killing the alligator as revenge and wasn't allowed to adopt himeeether).  
So naturly bumbelboor took him to China and adopted him to Pingu, a modest noodle-making-goose-guy. Pingu also had a sun called po, who was a karate master, and also a panda. However, comma, they we'rr both muggles, so hairy potter was raised thinking he was a goosr-panda.

Eleven years later.............

At the ripe old age of elven, hairy was also a Kung Fu masta, because his epic big brother (po, the Kung Fu Panda) had learned him evrything he new.  
One day, in the middle of summer, Harry was completeing his justeat™ noodle deliveries for his beloved goose-father, when was accosted by a large berded man who smelt vagely of soy sause. Harry's reflexes kicked in, and he tryed to defeat his opponent in combat by karate chopping him, hopefully, to death. Howver, comma, hangrid was a big chungus, and shattered Harry's hand into a million peaces.  
"Yer a wizard 'arry" grunted hangrid, his onyx orbs glinting in the Chinese son.  
"I'm not a wizard! I'm! A! Gooose!" Hairy mused as he karate chopped hangrid agen, shattering his other hands as well.  
"Oh no." Screamed agrid. "Yerll av to get em fixxed if yer wan a hold a wand arry" he whispered.  
Arms flopping uselessly in the Chinese wind, he glared with his mother's green orbs at the tall man in front of him.  
"How do I no your not lieing......" Axed hairy hungrily.  
"This is how!" Winked hagrind and then he smelled Harry with his umbrella and Harry's floppy useles arms were restored to there former glory.  
Then majickally Harry found himslef in diagonally.  
They went into Olivia's wand shopp. When Harry saw long pointy stix, his instincts kicked in agen, amd he started karate chopping. Everyone in sight was in awe of his epic Kung Fu moves which absolutely game-ended all of the wands. Except one......... ...  
"The wand has chosen you" olivian grunted.  
"Wow." Pleaded harry.,and he grabbed the wand hungrily and went to buy a dress from madam mamkims epic lingery shop.  
Inside, their was a bleached, greasy boy, who hairy fell on luv with. So Harry karate chopped dank mafloy and he died instantly, because capitalism is weak.  
"I bort yer an owell" hinted hagid.  
"Sick" concluded hairy.  
"Go to the station" hagrid begged, and dispeared majickally.  
Harry went to the station. At the platform (he new how to get their becos of his immense Kung Fu skillzz) he saw a flash of ginger, and his instincts kicked in another time and he karate chopped the entire weasel family, who all died instantly, except Ran becos he's a communist.  
"You just killed my family" chuckled Ron and his pet rat with only one finger.  
"Yes" declared Harry, proceeding to stomp a toad to death. In the distance, a muffled scream could be heard.  
Once he were in the castel, professor mcgogonogonogal threw an ugly-ass hat at hairy. Naturly he karate chopped it..... But it didn't die! Because it was a hat that also new karate and gave him a big slap in the face.  
"GrIFFiNDoR" the hat teased  
"Does that mean Kung Fu in Scottish?" Axed hairy hungrily.  
"You sound hungry, sit down and have some noodles" a mysteriius voice mysteried mysteriously.  
Hairy snapped his wand over his nee and promtly attached his noodles with it hungrily.  
Suddenly the mysteryus voice speaker agen...; It was humblewhore.  
"Speech! I'd like to make a speech everybody!" He sighed whilst stepping in every one's food as he strutted along the table.  
"Sadly, dank malfoy has been the victim of a terrible crime. Voldemort has murdered him! So he will not be returning to complete his first year at hagworts." Dank Malfoy's Owl cried.  
Hairy felt his cheeks go as red as ran's moppy manbun, which contrasted with his mum's green orbs which filled up with tears of sadness.  
"I must avenge him" shouted Harry under his breathe.  
"Other victims of bolbeborts rampage are the weasel family and Neville's toad, which isn't sad because nobody cares about them." Dumbledore began, stepping in hairy's noodels.  
Immediately, hairy avenged his noobles and went to town on rumbleroars kancles.  
He instantly died, and everyone in the hall cryed (except Harry because bog boys don't cry) and vowed to kill Voldemort thoroughly.  
Sneveres snake was looking supspishois so hairy karate chopped him, and used his mind reading powers to find out about the philosophy stone. Snake died also.  
He goes to the base mint with hormone, ran's ugly girlfiend, and ran, hormone's ugly boyfriend.  
"The giant dog does like a good bop put on your spotify™" said hormone bookishly.  
Ran started to put despacito on, but was interrupted by a superdrug advert to get thirty minutes of ad-free music. The dog herd him and ate him instantly. Hormone died of sadness.  
Hairy karate chopped his way past the dog, the annoying keys, the giant flower, the chess board (chess is for nerds), and the poison room, and the oger(rip Shrek I love you).  
"What do you see in the mirror?" Grunted squirrel.  
"Myself game-ending Voldemort with these epic not-broken hands" said Harry hungrily, proceeding to game-ended the back of squirrel's head with his epic not-broken hands.  
Voldemort is dead instantly.  
"Well done" screamed grumbelgroooore calmly form beyond the grave.

The End........

 

Or is it?!?..:;'....)


End file.
